Dear Boyz. I love you all.

Two days ago I sat down to blog about the latest in my eharmony prospecting. Prior to my bitchfest 2010 via the blogosphere, I lamented regarding the horrendousness of eharmony to a couple of my coworkers (i.e. the Boyz), and new characters on the blog, N-dizzle and QuackAttack. N-dizzle made a fair point that I reject suitors left and right for no concrete reason. He suggested that I would immediately dismiss any one of the Boyz for a date had I met them on eharmony even though I obviously love hanging out with them in real life. The point is, while I do not want to actually husband up any of the coworkers, I would have a great night out on the town with every single one of them. That got me to thinking. If only I could wrap all the Boyz up into one man, that man I would indeed want to husband up. So tonight, I bring you the office gossip loveletter.

Below I have listed the qualities I most admire from each of the gang and wish I could steal for my future first husband.

N-dizzle is the intellect. We can talk about anything and everything. He makes even the most impossible (think life insurance) intellectually hilarious and has great insight. (He did indeed prompt this blog.) I need that overly intellectual analysis to keep me on my toes, and to challenge me to leave my comfort zone of intellectual laziness.

QuackAttack is the hilarity. He makes everything funny. He has the best laugh of anyone I know. QuackAttack's laughter is contagious and makes whatever is going on at that moment ten times funnier. Enjoying life is my number one goal. I need a man who wants to spend more time laughing than anything else no matter what we are doing and where life takes us.

BigGuns is the chivalry when I thought it was dead. A true gentlemen, BigGuns understands the art of dating and seduction. He always makes a woman feel special even when it's just the usual suspects at the Stro. A midwestern boy at heart, his manners are something I could take home to my mother and be more than proud.

Bossman has always believed in me. He hired me with faith that I can succeed. Even when I'm not sure, he has never faltered. Because he believes, I know I can be successful. It is important that a partner believe in you when sometimes you don't have that ability.

BFighter is the commitment and amazing future father that any girl would want in a potential suitor. Of the "marrying kind" that San Diego seriously lacks in, he spends his weekends committed to family. In a world full of alcoholic partying 20 somethings, this man brings the commitment I thought was nonexistent in Southern California.

GiAAnts is the adolescent crush one never wants to forget. Time will paint this one as a future sweetheart, but for now he is a little too much fun and a little too unavailable. (Albeit in the best way possible.) With his charm, he will keep the spark alive and with his fun he will keep you guessing. Relationships can get stale, but with this boy's quality, my relationship will stay alive.

DeathBenefit is the best friend and partner every committed relationship demands. The most loyal among the Boyz, he is never offended or mad, I can tell him just about anything (and pretty much have). When things get tough in the future you need that steady comrade who you can trust with your deepest darkest secrets.

In sum, you can see I'm one lucky girl. Surrounded by great coworkers who really bring the fun (sometimes a bit too much). Each one of them has so many qualities I love, if I could just pick out my favorites and make a Frankenstein like "super boyfriend" (that is not actually a monster and instead Bruce Willis hot) I would have the perfect man to husband up. I'll keep searching for now. But I must admit, being surrounded by such great people everyday, the bar is only being raised on a weekly basis.

I'm back.

Hello all. I have not been on the blogging train for the last few months. I am going to try to be more frequent. Something about writing and telling stories helps me deal with stress. Maybe because when I write for an audience I try to make my general musings entertaining, and as I go along I realize that whatever complaint I have is indeed hilarious. If you can't laugh at life, then really what do you have.

Summer Summary: I have been working the new job. Finally getting into the swing of things here. More on that later I'm sure. But for now let me just say, likely there will be a few new characters on the blog due to my coworkers being awesome.

Bender weekends update: I have been mixing up all my weekends. Some are highly responsible and others are not. By not I mean, complete shitshows which make me wonder how old am I really turning next month.

Politics Update: Cannot wait for the House and Senate to change over. I took almost a four month break from the daily obsession with DC scandaliociousness...but I'm pleased to report I am back and in full swing. I had not planned on taking the break, it happened naturally. I was so depressed that our country actually voted for a man who hates the foundations of our society and spends his Presidency complaining about our alleged faults to foreigners and when he is home spends his time trying to ruin everything we stand for...but all that for a new blog. The important thing is that I am back and ready to get as involved as ever. I was missing a huge part of myself and did not even realize it until I turned O'Reilly on about a week ago. Yes, you can thank one of my life heros for saving my political soul. For the rest of you- go out and vote. Especially in CA it is more important than ever that we throw these jackasses out of office.

Dating Update: For the regular readers, let me assure you, there is dating hilarity about to ensue. I will not disappoint. You guessed it, I registered (again) for eharmony and am going to "try" it again. I have not corresponded with anyone yet, but I think this weekend may be the beginning of trainwreck possibilities....

For now I will leave you with an observation I had this week.

All of us at some point have drunk dialed and/or texted the object (or victim) of our affections. Let me explain to men: when you drunk dial a girl the assumption is that the girl is on "the list." You, the girl, are one of the many who said boy hopes to "hang out" with at a very late or early morning time on a weekend. Which is fine. Just be sure when you do drunk dial that you want to let on to a girl that she is category "drunk dial" for a good time. This scenario happened to me a few weeks ago with a friend who I did not realize had placed me on his "list". It sorta hurt my feelings. I am all for people having a good time, but I have not engaged in behavior to encourage this friend to conclude I am a "category drunk dial". I'm still mulling over why it hurt my feelings. Maybe it was that I don't want to be on someone's "list"; Rather, I want to be the only name on a man's list (we all have impossible fantasies). Being on a list takes away any pretentions that I am special or one of a kind (an assumption that I cling to heavily). Mostly, I thought this person was a friend and knew me pretty well, but turns out, he does not in fact know me or care about me any more than he does the rest of his list.

Of course this only applies when the person is not a significant other. Drunk calls and texts from significant others are entirely acceptable and in my case encouraged.

For now I'm out. Gots to head home and make some dinner for my fabulous eharmony surfing self.

Truth

Currently listening to "The Truth" by Jason Aldean on repeat. It's one of those country songs I could hear a million times and not stop loving.

Had a nice conversation today with some investment gurus downtown. Finally felt like I'm not alone. Still trying to get my thoughts in order. I must adapt and overcome. The resourceful individuals will do this; The losers and takers will not.

Other mottos in my head: The only easy day was yesterday. I think that is a good life motto right now. I'll stick with that.

Still attempting the eharmony bit. It is just getting less entertaining by the minute. I'm at stage "4", the "open communication", with several of these potential suitors and I have no interest in actually meeting them. I worry it will be like prom, where you get all these expectations of how the potential suitor will be, and FAIL. I also am no longer getting as many rejections...which makes me sad because I was so looking forward to my graph complete with an undefined slope!

Weekend plans are working out fabulously. I am first doing happy hour to celebrate in advance some potentially AWESOME news. I like to jumpstart the celebration before the news actually comes because that is how I roll!

Dad is headed into town Friday afternoon so we will have a FABULOUS weekend. Kayaking, drinking, eating, hiking, the usual Erdmann good times.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Weekend update early and my list of 10 reasons you are deleted.

Weekend update comes early today. Good times. Generally, hung with Cdizz. We did 3rd Corner last night. Why must such a fabulous place be in OB? Anyway, I always enjoy having our girls nights out.

Today I got up early and cleaned out my eharmony account. I compiled a list of 10 reasons why I will automatically reject a potential suitor.

1) If you are wearing any sort of Ed Hardy apparel. I do not want to date a potential tool academy contestant.

2) If you lack a shirt in any of your photos. Really? I mean, I love some Vin Diesel, but doesn't every girl? I'm looking for a quality guy to date and frankly whether he has rock hard abs is pretty irrelevant to his quality of person or ability to compliment me.

3) If you are posing next to a luxury car. Here is where I separate the men from the boys. I do not care if you drive a BMW or some other overly expensive car. In fact, that makes me not want to date you. However, I do tend to keep the men with pictures next to F-150s, 350s and the like. Additionally, I will even initiate contact if there appears to be mud on the vehicle and/or some sort of motor bike in the bed. Note, I also do not delete pictures with what appear to be muscle cars which are older and it seems the potential suitor is working on. That also is acceptable and shows you have some mad mechanical skills. Manual labor on the weekends is always a plus.

4) If your profile is misspelled or has other typos including lacking proper grammar. This is your first introduction to a woman you might want to date and you can't even capitalize "I" and insist on ending thoughts with "..." Deleted.

5) If your number one requirement is "Chemistry" I'm out. I completely agree chemistry is necessary. However, it just seems to me this really means "I'm looking for some easy ass." Which, easy is not a quality I'm offering. So, I just don't think we will work out.

6) Using profanity in your profile. Your ability to use the f-bomb is the first thing you want me to learn about you?

7) Your name. If your name is anything with a "-" such as "J-Dizzle" (true story). Or any sort of bizarre nickname, delete. I don't want to call you what your roommates in PB call you on a drunken Saturday night at PB Bar and Grill.

8) If you are wearing a Lance Armstrong piece of trash in any of your photos. Firstly, 1999 called and it wants its hideous yellow bracelet back. Secondly, I am also against cancer, but I don't feel the need to wear a piece of trash around my arm to show this. Finally, you are not Lance so give it up. I don't care if you bike 4000 miles a week. You aren't him.

9) If "Working Out" is mentioned more than two times in your profile. I get it. You are in shape and want a girl you date to be in shape. Don't you think there is more to your personality than the fact that you "like to workout"? Your eharmony profile is only so long, and you have NOTHING else to fill it with?

10) If "Happiness" or a "loving free spirit" (true description) is how you describe your ideal match. Well clearly I am not a "Free Spirit" so that is obvious why I would delete you. Mostly the single word description of "happiness" is what you look for in a match bothers me. Isn't that what we are all looking for? How about you pick some other characteristics about the individual which might suggest their quality of person.

Needless to say I have about 3 men left on my list of potential matches. One of them sorta doesn't count either because he is a friend of a friend and I could meet him away from this horrid website.

Happy Sunday!

people with bad credit...a protected class?

Good morning all!

Two mornings ago, I was happily enjoying my daily cup of coffee and WSJ when I was rudely interrupted by a story in the "Personal Journal" section (the most skimmable section in my opinion) about individuals not able to obtain certain jobs because their poor credit rules them out. I thought not too much of it other than sour grapes until I ventured further into the article. Congress is actually considering making a law that would restrict employers from using credit checks to make hiring decisions.

This involvement by Congress bothers me on so many levels. Firstly, free markets people. Employers should be able to use whatever methods they deem appropriate to determine if an individual should be hired. Imagine if an investment firm could not consider employees' credit before they let them advise clients on money management. Secondly, poor credit is a result of individual circumstances and choices. Congress' involvement will only punish those who strive to act financially responsible and protect many who have failed to build credit by going through life behaving irresponsibly. Credit is determined by behavior of an individual and is not a benign physical trait such as hair color or skin color. Thus, Congress should not act to essentially make them a protected class (so accurately described by my Protege!). I swear, we are headed to (as Satan so kindly help me coin): Hell in a handbasket on a rocketship with napalm.

In other news: Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

I'm currently in the process of charting my rejections on eharmony. I think it would make a fabulous demonstration to represent my fail rate in a graph (x = time, y = number of rejections). Now, when I log into eharmony I pray for more rejections so that my graph can be that much more dramatic. Not really helping my dating situation, but eh- I paid, and I think any entertainment I can get out of it helps me get my money's worth.

Going to Hooleys tonight for the Irish day celebration. BabyInTheCorner and my Protege and their respective significant others will hopefully join us. I love that my coworkers are cool chickas but they really deserve their own blog at some point.

Online Dating is a FAIL.

Goodmorning all!

So as many of you probably already know, I've recently reattempted online dating. Previously I was on match.com. That was a total shitshow. I'm now trying eharmony. It appears this one will turn out the same. Now let me preface my rant with why, likely, these mediums of dating will inevitably fail for me:

1) I hate dealing with "dating" in general. I am the most awkward person when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. Don't get me wrong- at work and other areas of my life, the opposite sex is just fine. If anything I beat them into submission. But when it comes to potentially romantic interactions I shut down and want nothing to do with it.

2) I hate how fake the people on these websites are. I mean, you sort of have to be. You fill out this form to tell the world how fabulous you are. One of the questions is seriously "what are you looking for in a significant other." I'm like- how much time do you have? I guess I should not post a list of my top 100 things?

3) Most people (this includes women) are crap. One does not realize this until they are all on your computer screen raping your eyes with their "wit" and "sexy" photos. The "sexy" photos really deserve a whole other blog.

4) My biggest problem is I'm a routine Nazi. I view these potential dates as "cramping my style." I get two weekend nights. I don't want to waste them with some idiot I met online who will not be nearly as fun as a) Cdizz, b) catching up on my DVR, or c) washing my hair.

So the eharmony experience has gone something like this:

1) Start profile in a moment of weakness. I was attempting to "take charge" of my life for 2010 and find my "soulmate" (which is a concept I do not even believe in, but I did for that moment).

2) The website initially told me I had no matches. Duh, I have no matches, that is why I'm on this stupid thing. So what did a girl do? The most unreasonable thing possible. I changed my dating filters and lowered my standards just so someone would show up in my "matches". Upon lowering my standards dramatically, I received a barrage of "matches". Coincidence? Perhaps this is a learning moment.

3) So now, I'm two and half days in, and have been REJECTED by more men than I have ever collectively approached in my entire life. These men are rejecting me left and right. Most of them are rejecting me before I even see them as a "match". Does that mean I am a "match" and immediately upon notification they log in only to reject me? Of course I have overly freaked out and gone through my profile about 45 times to see what they don't like about me. My pictures are cute, my answers are as honest as I can be for that site. Is it because I read? If I'm being honest, I have a conservative disclaimer. So that might be it...but still.

4) Well, the one positive thing I do like about eharmony is that it does make rejection fun and easy. As soon as I got my first "closed match" notice...I immediately began closing all the matches of individuals who did not seem to be my soulmate (note that is about all of them).

I'll will obviously keep you posted on the exciting (or lack thereof) dating potentials.

In other news, a friend is going through a rough time right now- and it really makes this whole post a bit irrelevant. Some people have serious problems. I realize this. I just hope you can all find some humor in my attempt at normalcy.