Guys, girls, and the games we play.

After getting home earlier than I anticipated on a Saturday night I promptly flipped the tv on to watch what is probably my 50th viewing of "he's just not that into you." It got me to thinking about my last 15 years of attempted dating. We are constantly barraged with tidbits of advice about how to go about dating. This movie being no exception, advice comes from all over; The office, the girls, the boys, the magazines, the tv...it is a never ending campaign to educate us on how to navigate the dating game.

I reached a couple conclusions while pondering through this movie. Thinking back to all the discussions I have with people about dating, I realized- there is a huge difference between what we say we want and what we actually look for and attain.

Let's first address the shallow. A friend of a friend and I got to talking about his ideal girl. He described her has a hot blond, with long hair, fake tatas, and a southern accent. Original, I know. Come to find out his current girlfriend and potential fiance (he is still contemplating) has short dark hair, is from Long Island, and is president of the itty-bitty-titty committee. Slightly different result than his input predicted.

I have a girl friend who wants to find a stable provider that shares her same religion. Yet, in the last ten years she has dated no one of her own religion and the last three men have been unemployed (indefinitely). Not to be snarky, but you cannot live on love.

Moving to the more emotional connection. I have another friend who constantly complains that he wants to find a good girl and settle down. It's the general "I'm done partying and want to find quality." Alas, this guy continues to be one of the biggest partying sluts I know. I have to call bullshit when his weekends consist of grenade hunting downtown for a drunken good time. Last time I checked, quality girls do not give it up after a few drinks (but we are at Whiskey Girl- I'm proof!). This scenario is really like four-slash-every guy I know.

I do the same thing as these poor unfortunate examples. I throw myself temporary pity parties about being single (this is usually after I hear a great couples story, but I always realize that those involved in the story will inevitably divorce or break up). But then, at the end of the day, I engage in behavior that only dooms me to locking down a halfway decent man. I used to think it was I was too picky. Then I thought I wasn't picky enough. Then I realized that according to society there are games to be played and I don't know how to even put my pawn on the board let alone draw a card to move forward. Fuck, I probably don't even own the game I'm trying to play!

I guess my conclusion after watching that horrid movie that I not-so-secretly love, is that we can only control our own behavior. Yeah, I too would love to have some hotass bar manager fall madly in love with me after I act like a complete psycho and stalk his friend. However, not sure that is in the cards. But what may be in the cards is to have realistic expectations. There are plenty of crapbags, both men and women, and the only way you are going to succeed in weeding out the idiots, it to get to work and starting spraying the roundup. This crap advice coming at us from all around makes the mistake of assuming that the third party who we are attempting to date is going to respond in the default manner the advice anticipates. It's a losing game.

As Bridge Jones famously said "Will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping-toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, and perverts...I choose Vodka. And Chaka Khan."

"Yes" Man

Looks like I will be only updating this randomly now that life has gotten pretty busy for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining.

The new job got me to thinking. In the last month I've put myself out there in ways I did not know I was capable. This job may be the best decision of my adult life. Only time will tell; At this point I've made a list (short as I am tired and about to meet Cdizz) of the experiences that have made me realize that life is indeed filled with endless possibilities that only I can realize through hard work.

1) In the first month I already learned who I can count on. I have experienced every kind of reaction from friends and acquaintances when telling them about what I am doing. Overwhelmingly, people are supportive. Sadly, some disappoint. Mostly, I'm counting these new realizations as a definite bullet point in the positive category. Support has come from all over including people I never thought even remembered me when I called them.

2) I have developed relationships with people I did not know I even had something in common with. This list continues to grow daily, but for now I have several shoutouts. First, special recognition to BED. You may remember him from a previous blog, but this trainwreck neighbor is one of my biggest cheerleaders. He may be king of the underbelly, but he is probably the most dependable shitshow I've ever met. Also, must give a shoutout to the 401(k)Man who gave me some good advice and is not (entirely) the crazy liberal that I pictured; turns out we are alike in many ways. I guess what I can take from my experiences thus far, is that people have a tendency to surprise, and not in a bad way.

3) I am busier than I could possibly imagine (and it is only ramping up at this point). If you asked me two months ago I would have characterized myself as a homebody. Turns out, I am not. I actually like people. I enjoy going out with them and just generally being out in the world and interacting. Everyone loves those rare evenings when you stay in with a glass (or bottle) of wine and enjoy a good book, but I officially love going out and meeting new people even more than the book and wine in my fabulous appartment.

4) I’m busy doing things I would never actively pursue or experience. Through these new ventures I am forced to adjust and grow as a human being. Whether it’s potential client meeting or joining a volunteer board in the area, I am growing in ways that matter much more than an immediate paycheck.

For now, I just want to thank you all. Especially if you are reading this blog, you are probably one of those individuals who I can count on and I appreciate more than ever. I must leave you with the sage advice of my hero and God: “Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values”. Ayn Rand could not be more right.

New Job. New Outlook on Business.

Hello all. I know it’s been a while since I blogged. I finished studying, testing, and have officially started my new job. Many of you have already had the pleasure of hearing all about my prior experience at the firm before this new place. I would like to take the time to make a simple five point comparison which only does my new position moderate justice in explaining the fabulousness that working hard and steady brings.

1. For the last two weeks I have walked into work around 7:30am only to be absolutely shocked that the Bossman and much of management is already here. Additionally, imagine my amazement to find that when I left between five and six they were STILL here in the office. This is certainly in sharp contrast to the “It’s 10:30am on a Tuesday, do you know where your boss is?” motto that my Protégé and I coined.

2. The second day here the Bossman told me he would want to talk to me Thursday regarding administration stuff. I assumed this was simply a passing comment, not an indication of the behavior he would actually exhibit on said Thursday. Picture my face when, you guessed it, he followed up his verbal undertaking that Thursday morning without any prompting from me. Definitely a change from the previous experience of having to keep track of my boss’s personal and professional “things to do” and then remind him to talk to me about admin issues.

3. I have not heard a single person fight with their girlfriend, wife, relative or friend on the phone once. This is amazing since I’m in a cubicle with a room full of at least 15 voices I can hear. I think we all know where I was going with this.

4. I heard the Bossman tell a client the entire truth about a service and then recommend that the client not use our services because it would not be cost effective. I know. It was amazing to see that lying to get clients is not something promoted here. So I guess I won’t be told to lie about my religion or what Church I attend?

5. Finally, in a serious conversation about the financial community and various individuals (which was done with the door closed and with discretion- whole other story really) the Bossman indicated that to him “integrity” is an integral part of success. I still can’t bring myself to believe that this statement was made in a place of business. I almost had to look up the very definition of integrity I had forgotten it for so long. I guess that means I should not plan on lying, cheating, stealing, or getting rich off the backs of others then?

Thank god for the new job and the team here. I will keep you all up to date on the new career.

Weekend Update

Morning all. Had a great weekend. Hung out with the usual suspects at Cdizz and my co-sponsored BBQ. We did have one interesting guest....which leads me to today's topic. Women and the men they want to "fix".

All women have been victim's of their "fix it" mentality at one point or another. It's usually when we are young and inexperienced. You know, the age when we still innocently believe that everyone has abilities and gifts and if we can just find them and bring them out, anyone can be a successful human being. Well this weekend I realized, in a sad turn of events, I've outgrown this wishful mentality. I now realize some people are just trainwrecks at life. It might be one too many Ayn Rand readings, but individuals are who they want to be and no wishing for them to be otherwise can make that happen.

So I've made friends with one of these life trainwrecks. I'll call him BED. This is in reference to a rather ridiculous tattoo he has. Ladies we know the type; very attractive and has that "bad boy" thing going for him. Anyway, in the hilarity that ensued this weekend, I learned wayyy too much about this fellow. He proved to be entirely predictable in a realistic way. In the past I probably would have been totally sucked in by his "charm" (and by charm I mean good looks only). However, I found myself viewing him as a sort of ...lost puppy or more like an animal at the zoo you go and observe. He managed to tell me his sad (and rather uneventful) life story complete with his various addictions (alcohol, gambling, sex) and his latest attempts at "not being a scumbag" (his direct quote). I almost felt condescending in the very way I looked at him while he overshared this ridiculousness. Satan's theory is that he was attempting to appeal to my "fix it" side. As Satan so cleverly described it...I bombed that idea for him.

Anyway, I guess my realization is that I've learned and fully accepted society will have its winners and losers. It makes things a lot easier, and now I can just appreciate the view without having to deal with a daily trainwreck.

Thatcherism at its finest

"The root of the matter is this: we have been ruled by men who live by illusions: the illusion that you can spend money you haven't earned without eventually going bankrupt or falling into the hands of your creditors; the illusion that real jobs can be conjured into existence by Government decree, like rabbits out of a hat; the illusion that there is some other way of creating wealth than hard work and satisfying your customers; the illusion that you can have freedom and enterprise without believing in free enterprise; the illusion that you can have an effective foreign policy without a strong defense force; and a peacful and orderly society without absolute respect for the law."

- Margaret Thatcher

A winter of discontent in Britain brought this great lady to the world. Will our discontent in America save us?

How much is a few hundred bucks worth to you?

Dear Former Employer,

Let me first thank you for the experience and lessons I have gathered while working for you over the last few years. Let me provide a specific list of the lessons I so cherish.

1) Lawyers should only strive to serve those who are wealthy. As you always reinforced, those who are without a summer house do not deserve the same level of representation even if their dollars are still good. Never mind your individual integrity and self worth of doing the best job you can for any client.

2) I also want to thank you for teaching me that Christianity is all about tolerance and commitment to doing the best job you can everyday. This includes, the mentality of as long as you can get yours it's okay to cheat anyone and everyone around you. Especially if they can "afford it" what is the sense of doing what is right when you might be able to score some extra goodwill or a couple bucks from bad behavior?

3) It is important to get other people to do as much work for you as possible while striving to do none for yourself.

While these have all been excellent lessons, what I most want to thank you for is living up to your standards of professionalism and courtesy by refusing to pay me for all the hours I worked my last two weeks. Additionally, it was an excellent real-life teaching moment when you relied on one of your employees to fill me in on why you thought you were entitled to do this while you ran tail between your legs from the office.

As the above lessons suggest, you probably assumed it was okay to cheat me out of a few hundred dollars because 1) I have a financial backer, and 2) you were angry about a filing issue. I'm not sure what you thought since you relied on a third party to awkwardly report your feelings to me.

While I will not be contacting the California Bar Association or the California Labor Department to report you regarding this illegal activity, I would like to say thank you so much for ending a business relationship in the most respectful and desirous manner possible. I cannot wait to start my own business someday and use your behavior as a model of how to obtain repeat business and also keep potential future business relationships happy.

I would wish you well in the future. But my guess is you do not need it since you have managed to earn no only my respect and appreciation but anyone I meet in the future regarding attorney referrals will hear about my wonderful experience.

As you would say, God Bless.

Jenny

Life update.

Since I haven't been around too much on the blog, just thought I would give a general life update from the last few days.

1) This weekend:

Pretty good. Actually, went to two very different parties. Saturday I started at my Protege's BBQ. It was really fun. I really like her and her hubby's cohorts. I plan on forever crashing her events from now on!

Following that I went to Devil'sAdvocate's housewarming party. Cdizz and I happened to be the only right wingers there. I was informed by Devil'sAdvocate beforehand that I was to be mute when politics came up. However, I was poked and irked by general stupidity and liberalism that I was forced to set the record straight. How do you keep silent when one of the attendees insists on calling money earned by military personnel "blood money"? I about died. Following that the liberals began demanding rich people work less so they don't have to pay as much in taxes. I am not kidding. They actually openly admitted they were fine with individuals not reaching their full potential all to avoid taxes; Thus, proving why socialism will stifle a society. Following that ridiculousness they then began asserting why public transportation was necessary. What really irked them was they couldn't "convince" me. The night ended with one shouting at me, as if you talk louder I will then agree. I really am fine with liberals, but I tend to throw them for a loop when I just refuse to agree with their "compassionate giving". That and when I use facts they apparently know nothing of such as basic American and 20th Century Western History.

2) This week:

So far it has been study study study. I am taking tomorrow off to head up to some hot springs. My day off is just in time too- today my brain literally turned off. I can't even understand a basic percentage. So- breaktime.

3) Ayatollah Obama:

Finally, I will leave you with this great news story. I turned on the usual Fox News at lunch and saw that apparently BO attempted to force protesters away from the usual protesting area outside the White House. Of course the White House is denying that the police's attempt to move the protesters was independent of them, but who is actually believing this story? Protesting areas in the nation's capital are used daily and are standard. Apparently the capital police aren't aware of them?

Way to pull a Chavez. Can't wait for the new financial regulations. Also, does anyone else find the Goldman Sachs timing a little bizarre?