After getting home earlier than I anticipated on a Saturday night I promptly flipped the tv on to watch what is probably my 50th viewing of "he's just not that into you." It got me to thinking about my last 15 years of attempted dating. We are constantly barraged with tidbits of advice about how to go about dating. This movie being no exception, advice comes from all over; The office, the girls, the boys, the magazines, the tv...it is a never ending campaign to educate us on how to navigate the dating game.
I reached a couple conclusions while pondering through this movie. Thinking back to all the discussions I have with people about dating, I realized- there is a huge difference between what we say we want and what we actually look for and attain.
Let's first address the shallow. A friend of a friend and I got to talking about his ideal girl. He described her has a hot blond, with long hair, fake tatas, and a southern accent. Original, I know. Come to find out his current girlfriend and potential fiance (he is still contemplating) has short dark hair, is from Long Island, and is president of the itty-bitty-titty committee. Slightly different result than his input predicted.
I have a girl friend who wants to find a stable provider that shares her same religion. Yet, in the last ten years she has dated no one of her own religion and the last three men have been unemployed (indefinitely). Not to be snarky, but you cannot live on love.
Moving to the more emotional connection. I have another friend who constantly complains that he wants to find a good girl and settle down. It's the general "I'm done partying and want to find quality." Alas, this guy continues to be one of the biggest partying sluts I know. I have to call bullshit when his weekends consist of grenade hunting downtown for a drunken good time. Last time I checked, quality girls do not give it up after a few drinks (but we are at Whiskey Girl- I'm proof!). This scenario is really like four-slash-every guy I know.
I do the same thing as these poor unfortunate examples. I throw myself temporary pity parties about being single (this is usually after I hear a great couples story, but I always realize that those involved in the story will inevitably divorce or break up). But then, at the end of the day, I engage in behavior that only dooms me to locking down a halfway decent man. I used to think it was I was too picky. Then I thought I wasn't picky enough. Then I realized that according to society there are games to be played and I don't know how to even put my pawn on the board let alone draw a card to move forward. Fuck, I probably don't even own the game I'm trying to play!
I guess my conclusion after watching that horrid movie that I not-so-secretly love, is that we can only control our own behavior. Yeah, I too would love to have some hotass bar manager fall madly in love with me after I act like a complete psycho and stalk his friend. However, not sure that is in the cards. But what may be in the cards is to have realistic expectations. There are plenty of crapbags, both men and women, and the only way you are going to succeed in weeding out the idiots, it to get to work and starting spraying the roundup. This crap advice coming at us from all around makes the mistake of assuming that the third party who we are attempting to date is going to respond in the default manner the advice anticipates. It's a losing game.
As Bridge Jones famously said "Will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping-toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, and perverts...I choose Vodka. And Chaka Khan."